5 signs you’ve found ‘the one’..
the astonishment! the sex!), but here are a few ways
to spot the other kind of relationship — the one that
never grows old.
1. He Teaches You How To Fill Out Your Schedule C
Without Gnashing His Teeth … Or Breaking His
Computer.
Back in the late '90s, when my then-boyfriend,
Lawrence, and I were dating, he considered my tax-
preparation methodology upsetting, but almost
wondrously so — a kind of Grand Canyon of
incompetency. A few years into our marriage, he
decided to help. He put the computer in a closet, so
as not to break it in rage, as had happened when he
tried to teach me to budget. He spoke slowly, but not
so slowly that I suspected he was patronizing me. He
explained his reasons behind every single action I
had to take (I am unable to do anything unless I
understand the why), and he provided a lot of potato
chips (I am also unable to do anything unless fed,
watered and salted). By the end of the night, I had
completed a respectable 1099 and gained a sense of
being understood, down to my weaknesses (details,
forms, numbers, rules and small print). A feeling,
which was — and still is — crucial. Because having
your partner help you with your strengths so rarely
determines the fate of your relationship. It's having
your partner's help where you need improvement —
if not patience — that proves how far your partner is
willing to go with you, which may even be all the way
to item 38, line 42, subsection A, B or C.
2. You Text Him A Lot, But He Doesn't Text You.
You ping your beloved on the bus ride to work, after
your first cup of coffee, as soon as you start up your
computer and 23 other seemingly crucial times a day.
He, on the other hand, sends you a brief, "What's
up?," at 5 p.m. An untrained observer might conclude
that he's not that attached –but hold on. A recent
study at Brigham Young University found that the less
men texted, the higher their levels of romantic
satisfaction. One possible reason, the researchers
concluded in the Journal of Couple & Relationship
Therapy, was that when men are happy with their
relationship, they tend to talk with their partners
more (and thus need fewer reasons to text), whereas
when they're unhappy, they text more in order to
avoid face-to-face interactions. Women, however, feel
more connected the more they text. So go head,
message him that picture of the dustball under your
desk that looks kind of, almost like Ryan Gosling.
3. He Takes You To Meet His Burrito Man.
Should, after several years of romance that may or
may not be leading to engagement, your boyfriend
request that you meet him at a Tex-Mex takeout joint
at 6 p.m., please go. This is what might happen (and,
in my case, did happen): You will enter the steamy
establishment. Your boyfriend will be there, as will an
older, plump gentleman behind the counter. Your
boyfriend will say, "Juan, this is Leigh." Then he will
say, "Leigh, this is Juan." Juan will nod your way, as
your boyfriend and you leave — but do not mistake
the import of this slightly confusing, seemingly
superficial interaction. Your boyfriend eats here five
nights out of seven. Your boyfriend wants you to
meet the guy who keeps him alive via astonishing
amounts of beans and cheese. Your boyfriend is
going to go back the next night and talk about you
with Juan — as he will the night after and the night
after that. Because you are his girlfriend and he
wants the key players in his day-to-day — who are
usually not his mother, grandmother or first-grade
teacher, all of whom you will meet later — to know.
(Replace burrito man with bus driver, veterinarian,
lady who lives down the hall or precocious but dorky
kid next door, as needed).
4. You Take Him To The Land Of No Toilets.
So much of long-term love is risk. Such as, taking him
to the land of no toilets, also known as the Sahara
desert on the border between Libya and Tunisia
(when the one thing he loves is plumbing, first thing
in the morning). Or taking him to the land of your
funny, crazy, machine-gun-loving cousins (when what
he doesn't love are firearms). A trip of such obstacles
is too much trouble to take without knowing the
outcome beforehand. So, what you're really doing is
taking him to a place that is far, far, far outside his
comfort zone and showing him that you trust him to
behave as if he were right at home — or to fake it
sufficiently so that you two can get through the
discomfort together.
5. The Two Of You Hold Hands During An Ad Hoc
Photography Lecture.
Most of you have read how holding hands stimulates
the release of oxytocin (also known as the love
hormone). Such a natural chemical boost is
wonderful — and certainly a reason to press palms
together at a dinner party while the guy at the head
of the table begins to refresh everyone's memory on
the history of the photograph, starting with the
invention of the process of taking a photo and
continuing on to pixels. A little extra affection makes
any snooze fest more endurable, after all. But if you
find that you're holding hands not just during boring
lectures, but also during boring TV shows and boring
long drives to visit Aunt Penny, forget your body's
biochemical response. The takeaway here is that
holding hands is your default position. It's what the
two of you do when you're not thinking — or over
thinking — but instead are just being together.
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