How To Beat Your Wife - By Charly Boy
When I look back at my life, and all the stuff I did
as a carefree, young and restless youth, I can't
help but shudder at some of my very bad habits.
Yes, I was once short-fused; blowing off at the
slightest provocation. It was pitiful. Over time I
have managed to rid myself of such sad habits
but that can't be said for a lot of men some of
who, even late in their lives can't still get over it,
thereby losing their cool in their homes. No be
small thing sha.
Domestic violence is an under reported crime in
Nigeria, almost accepted as norm. Some men feel
it's their right, some feel it's always the women who
bring out the beast in them, while others will readily
admit its a way of stamping their authority in the
home. Sadly, many don't see anything wrong with
beating their wives. How sad! Yes, am aware there
are women who beat up their husbands, but those
are in the minority and this piece ain't about them.
The most guilty perpetrators are usually men and the
victims are mostly their wives and sometimes their
children too.
Men abusing women is like a defence and coping
mechanism for being or feeling WEAK in other
aspects of life, sometimes including deep analog
beliefs about masculinity. Men who abuse loved ones
tend to blame other things or people for their violent
outbursts. In some cases, it is a cycle: "my father
abused me and my mom, so, it's normal".
Society doesn't help either, it ingrains in a man's
psyche that macho bullshit; how he should be strong
and if he can't exhibit that in his daily public life, it's
ok for him to go home and prove his strength.
Abusive men are not limited to a particular status, it
ranges from a bricklayer to a CEO or even a
President, causing their women to perpetually live in
anxiety and fear. Most of them tip-toe around their
husbands, not because they respect these men, but
because of fear.
A violent man might have grown up in a
dysfunctional household but this is still not a reason
to be abusive. It is an excuse, and a flimsy one at
that.
Some men don't come from humble homes where
women are appreciated. Some of us come from
homes that expose us to sex, gossip, male macho
bullshit. Values for treating women start with where
you're coming from, your background. However,
beyond these, what fucks most men up is our BIG
FAT EGO. It has everything to do with selfishness or
overrated feeling of self-importance. QED.
Ego is the source of many negatives in the world. It is
the false 'self' that Jesus said we should let die before
we can gain everlasting life. Ego craves to be first, but
we must be willing to be last. Unconditional love
comes with humility, selflessness, abundant
generosity, perfect responsibility, fearless
confidence.
I no go brag, am not all that, but I dey try. God
knows!
Now, for the man who feels trapped in this mad
dance with his loved ones and is trying very hard to
rid himself of this very terrible habit, do like me. If
you start to feel that your fuse is about to burst, try
and say nothing, hold it in for a few minutes and
relocate yourself to another space, either in your
house, or outside. Allow some time to elapse before
you express yourself, never talk or let your fist run
amok when you're upset; it doesn't make for a good
picture.
Even though I have cured myself of my short fuse, i
still get tempted from time to time. What works best
for me now is silence. I go and lock myself in my
room and will never utter a word to my lady until am
sure am in control of my faculties. Since many
moons ago, I have discovered that this is a very
effective option in dealing with a very bad temper.
So next time you are with your woman and you feel
like turning her into a punching bag, change the
game, beat her with your silence for the period you
feel like blowing your fuse. Na my way be that
oooooo.
This is just my take sha, how you see the matter my
guys?
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