1. Slow And Steady. Start slowly—with no more than one “in/out” stroke every three seconds. You should then build more strokes slowly over the course of 4 or 5 minutes, until you are moving one stroke per second. If you start to feel like he is going to come, he should stop and “hold himself inside his partner until he feels in control again. Then he begins the whole process again.”
2. Get Out of Your Head. “Performance
anxiety is the number one killer of sustaining an erection,” says
.s.e.x coach Dr. Patti Britton, a board-certified Clinical
.S.e.xologist. “Shift your thinking to a more confident inner voice, as
opposed to a worried voice.” Britton explains that a “self-debilitating
mindset” is what shuts guys down. “When you begin to feel anxiety, the
strategy is to stop, take a breath, and then focus on how things feel in
the body. Stay out of your head and get into your body—focus on the
feelings that your body is producing for you.”
3. Change things up. The
best thing to do if you’re getting close to the edge? Alter your speed,
advises human .s.e.x.uality expert Catherine Toyooka, the founder of
Catherine Coaches .s.e.x workshops. “Try teasing her. Take your .p.en.is
out and rub just the head of it sensually up and down and between her
labia. Vaginas have lots of nerve endings clustered in the lower portion
of their vaginal canal, so this move will still be very enjoyable for
her to experience.”
4. Slow down! “Instead
of the fast-paced jack-hammering style that many men are so fond of,
try taking your time,” says Toyooka. .S.e.x at a slower pace leads to a
more connected experience for both people. “It’s more sensual because
you are caressing and exploring the rest of her body. Kiss her neck,
nuzzle her ear, let your hands gently explore her body,” she says. The
most important thing to keep in mind that will help you last longer?
Enjoy the journey that leads to your destination.
5. Try a different kind of exercise. Dr.
Britton suggests exercising the PC muscles (or pubococcygeus muscle, if
we’re being technical). They’re the ones that stretch from the anus to
the urinary sphincter. To figure out how to squeeze and contract the PC
muscles, try stopping your urine flow while you’re in the middle of
peeing. You’ll know it when you try it. Three sets of 15 reps per day
should do the trick. “Daily PC muscle reps help a guy to literally pump
himself up. Squeezing those muscles triggers good blood flow to the
.p.en.is, which in turn leads to mental confidence,” she says.
6. Practice the 7 and 9 method. Similar
to the Kama Sutra method (mentioned in no. 1, above), Harper recommends
her favorite— the 7 and 9 technique. “It’s 7 fast in/out strokes,
followed by 9 slow in/out strokes. Then repeat: 7 fast, 9 slow, 7 fast, 9
slow,” she says. “This rhythm is good for guys who don’t last quite as
long as their partner needs, and good for the ladies as it establishes a
good rhythm for her stimulation too.”
7. Don’t go deep. “If
you feel that continued deep thrusting will bring on an all-too-quick
orgasm, try penetrating only the lower portion of her vagina—in other
words, take more shallow thrusts,” says Toyooka. “Also, alternating
between shallow and deep thrusts can make you last longer, and will also
make the experience a lot more fun!”
8. Squeeze. Britton
recommends that men explore the “squeeze technique.” “There are three
areas of the .p.en.is where squeezing or applying pressure can help a
man sustain or maintain an erection.” For the first, make a tight ring
with the index finger and thumb around the base of the shaft when it is
erect, simulating a penile ring. It can help a man keep blood flow to
the engorged .p.en.is. The second: Apply pressure on the underside of
the head. “That’s a male hot spot, densely packed with nerves,” Britton
says. And finally, pressing on the “perineum,” or the spot between the
anus and the base of the testicles. “It will feel like the tip of the
nose. If he presses with his finger, it will congest the flow of
.e.ja.cu.la.te and help quell the early release of the erection.”
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