Top 10 Ways to be a Better Listener in Your Relationship
listening to what your partner has to say, instead of
just waiting for your chance to speak? By Danielle
Anne Suleik
Has your partner ever complained about your
inability to hear what they are saying? It is probably
not because you are hard of hearing. You just have a
little problem when it comes to listening to your
partner. Learn how to become a better listener by
heeding what we have to say.
One of the problems that couples encounter in a
relationship is miscommunication. This happens
when one or both of you are unable to express
yourselves in a way that your partner can
understand. It can also be because you do not put
much value in what your partner is saying.
No matter what the reason is, not listening to your
partner can lead to bigger problems. When one
person in a relationship fails to live up to their role as
a partner, their connection becomes strained and it
can lead to a break-up.
Communication is one of the most important parts in
a relationship. If a couple fails to cultivate their ability
to connect with each other, the relationship will not
last for very long. It is not just about talking. It is
about listening to each other's thoughts and
opinions.
Not only that, you also have to be aware of their
needs. If they are not saying it out loud, it means that
they are expressing it to you in different ways or
sentiments. If you feel that none of it is getting
through to you, then the problem lies in your ability
to really listen.
It is not just about hearing the words that come out
of your partner's mouth. You need to understand
what they are saying, and take it to heart. Don't just
take any idea in a literal sense. You have to read
between the lines as well.
What are the things that your partner wants to
tell you?
In order to become a better listener, you have to be
aware of what your partner's concerns are. Before
they even say anything, it is good for you to know
what they might want to talk about. Everyone has a
billion thoughts that they might want to talk about
with their partner, but there are some topics that are
more common for people in relationships.
#1 The little things. They can be chores, requests,
favors or even a short narrative about how their day
went. These things may seem unimportant at times,
but the fact that you are paying attention to them can
go a long way with your partner. If they feel that you
are ignoring even the smallest of things in a
conversation, it could hurt them more than you
realize.
#2 Their feelings. Some people would prefer not to
talk openly about their emotions, but your partner
may want to. If they feel that you are belittling their
feelings, they might resent you and feel as if you are
ignoring them. In a relationship, talking about
feelings is not just an occupational hazard. It is also a
privilege. Knowing how the person you love feels can
solidify your bond, and allow you to learn more
about them.
#3 Their doubts. If you are having communication
problems, that could be the least of your concerns.
Your partner may want to voice out their other
concerns about your relationship, but your
indifference might make them feel as if you are not
concerned about it.
#4 Their complaints. It might feel like nagging, but a
partner complains about you because you are doing
something wrong in their eyes. If you listen carefully,
you can find out if they are right and change your
ways. If they are wrong, the least you can do is
defend yourself and fix the problem together.
#5 Their appreciation. The most painful way you
can ignore your partner is when you do not listen
when they are expressing their love for you. They
might be complimenting you or telling you how much
they love you when you are not listening. When they
realize that their efforts are being ignored, it could
spell trouble for you and your relationship.
How can you become a better listener?
Now that you know what to look for, you can start to
hone your skills in order to become a better listener.
Remember that it is not just about remembering
what your partner says. You need to internalize it and
respond appropriately when necessary.
#1 Hear them. Before you can listen, you have to be
aware that your partner is talking to you. If you are
busy and you hear them talking to you, stop what you
are doing and talk to them. If you can't do that, tell
them that you will be with them shortly.
Miscommunication happens when a person is too
wrapped up in what they are doing and then fail to
realize that their partner is talking to them.
#2 Apologize. If you did not hear your partner the
first time, apologize and try to correct the situation.
Try not to let it happen again, because an apology will
not work on the same situation a second time
around.
#3 Make a note of what your partner is saying. If
your partner complains that you keep forgetting stuff,
write it down. Put it in a visible place or set an alarm
on your phone or computer.
#4 Understand what they are saying. It is not just
about knowing what language you and your partner
speak. You need to think hard about what they are
saying. You have to know how it affects you. You also
need to know how you can help them if they are
talking about a problem.
#5 Do not give unsolicited advice. Always wait for
them to ask for your help. When they do not ask for
it, do not just leave it at that. Ask them if they need
your help.
#6 Do not interrupt them. Interrupting someone
when they talk makes it harder for you to remember
what it is that person is saying. It is also rude. Your
partner may resent you for it. If you have something
to say about the matter, wait until they pause or stop
talking.
#7 Acknowledge what they are saying. Do not just
stare blankly at your partner while they are talking.
Always acknowledge them with enthusiastic nods or
by saying words like "Yes", "Uh-huh", "I see" or
anything that is appropriate for the conversation. It
might seem like such a small detail, but they will
appreciate you for showing that you are indeed
listening to them.
#8 Do your best to give them what they need. If
your partner is asking you for something that you can
provide, try and remember to do it. If it is something
that you can't do for them, tell them your reasons
and help them understand your decision.
#9 Finish your conversations. Do not leave a
conversation when it is not yet finished. This can lead
to a misunderstanding. Always ask your partner if
they need anything else. Make sure that whatever it is
you are talking about is resolved before the
conversation ends. If they end the conversation on
their own, do not worry about it. Just don't forget the
things that have already been said.
#10 Keep your temper in check. No matter what
your partner says, always think first before you react.
If they are being aggressive and can't handle their
temper, do not ride the same waves they are. Be
calm and keep a level head so you can solve
whatever problem it is that you are dealing with.
Listening to your partner is not difficult. You
don't have to be a genius to communicate with
your partner. If you can hone your
communication skills, your partner will follow
suit and any problem you used to have about
listening to each other will be a thing of the past.
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